The second Precept, for me, is very much a reminder to stay in the moment, in the now. When I do that I'm not fretting about what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow.
Without minimizing the difficulties that we all face on a day-to-day basis, when it comes right down to it, worrying does absolutely nothing to eliminate any of them, does it? It can increase our heart rate, make our head spin, keep us awake at night, make us forget to do the things we need to do, make us less effective at performing the task at hand, make us irritable -- in short, it expends a lot of valuable time and energy that might be better spent tending to each moment as it comes.
I recently heard something that really helps me with this: If there is something I can do about a situation right now, go do it. If not, then let it go. Another thing that helps me is setting aside a period of time each day, say an hour, during which to worry. If a worrisome thought pops into my head before that, I shoo it away until the designated time. Guess what? Nine times out of 10, when that hour that I've set aside arrives, I've often forgotten what it was that I was worried about or the reality hits me that I can't do anything about it - or any of the other things that were vying for my attention - at that moment and I'm able to either let it go or, if it is sort of an ongoing worry, I can make a plan to do something about it.
How about some examples...
Let's say I'm worried about a family member's health, but I'm at work and will be for the next 7 hours or so. There isn't much I can do is there? I can make a mental note to check in on them during my "worry hour" later in the day, or perhaps spend some of that hour planning for all of the what-ifs and maybe underneath those what-ifs there lies an issue that I can do something about.
Perhaps I’m tossing and turning at night because I’ve got a presentation to make. If the presentation isn’t finished, I might decide to get up and work on it for a few minutes, but if it’s ready and I’m just fretting about how it will go and whether people will like it, a better choice might be to do some deep breathing, place my Reiki hands on my solar plexus and just trust that all will go well.
Whatever the situation, those last few words make a fine mantra: “Just trust that all will go well."
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the second Precept!
Namaste,
Janet
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I Will Let Go Of Anger
Continuing my focus on the Precepts, I remember the first time I saw this one and thinking "Excuse me?!" My Reiki teacher said she had a similar reaction - must be our similar backgrounds in mental health!
It's not that anger is bad or that we should never feel angry. Emotions in and of themselves are not bad - they just "are" - it's what we do with them that gives them their destructive or constructive power and I'd like to think that the meaning behind this Precept relates to not using our anger destructively.
What do I mean by that? Well, the last time I chose to spend an entire day seething, gritting my teeth, clenching my jaw, swearing under my breath, slamming doors, throwing insults and/or objects, I didn't accomplish very much other than giving myself a terrible headache by the end of the day. To top it off, my coworkers were tiptoeing around me, my partner and my dogs were doing the same, and I felt ashamed of myself. Whatever it was that I was angry about was still there to boot.
One of the things that I've learned over the years is that when I feel that heat rising it usually means that somewhere deep inside I'm feeling threatened, not necessarily physically, but perhaps in my sense of self. If my partner has, for example, chastised me for spending too much money and I react with a nasty comment, it's usually because on some level I know that that particular purchase was impulsive and I feel "exposed". So, my nasty comment might help me to avoid feeling guilty or ashamed, but it will hurt someone that I love dearly and we'll spend the evening in opposite ends of the house, avoiding each other, licking our wounds and feeling alone and isolated.
In addition, as much as I do work hard and could argue that I have a right to treat myself, my partner also has a right to expect that I will honour my financial committment to our relationship by not blowing the budget. If I hold tightly to my "rights" and try too hard to protect that image of myself, I risk getting caught in a cycle of being inauthentic, feeling guilty and ashamed, trying to assuage/distract myself from my guilt and shame with yet another impulsive purchase and around and around I go. Not helpful to either one of us (or our dogs who sense the upset and react to it just as a child might).
What would happen if, instead of hurling my nasty comment his way, I had said "You know what, honey, you're right. I bought that book (usually books!) because I'm feeling overwhelmed at work this week and I was trying to distract myself from that." Well, usually, I feel a sense of relief because I've named and honoured that sense of overwhelm and in doing so I begin to feel less overwhelmed. That's a bonus right there! My honesty also allows my partner and I to connect on an emotional level. He may be able to offer reassurance or insight. He may even feel safe enough to look at and acknowledge a similar behaviour (or similarly motivated behaviour) in himself. Win-win!!
So, "I will let go of anger" is not about stuffing our feelings or letting people walk all over us. It's about standing up for ourselves in ways that both honour us and respect the people around us. It's about using that energy to effect a positive outcome instead of a negative one where that is possible. It's about acknowledging that sometimes the situation that angers us isn't likely to change very much and deciding what our best course of action will be in the face of that reality.
Namaste,
Janet
It's not that anger is bad or that we should never feel angry. Emotions in and of themselves are not bad - they just "are" - it's what we do with them that gives them their destructive or constructive power and I'd like to think that the meaning behind this Precept relates to not using our anger destructively.
What do I mean by that? Well, the last time I chose to spend an entire day seething, gritting my teeth, clenching my jaw, swearing under my breath, slamming doors, throwing insults and/or objects, I didn't accomplish very much other than giving myself a terrible headache by the end of the day. To top it off, my coworkers were tiptoeing around me, my partner and my dogs were doing the same, and I felt ashamed of myself. Whatever it was that I was angry about was still there to boot.
One of the things that I've learned over the years is that when I feel that heat rising it usually means that somewhere deep inside I'm feeling threatened, not necessarily physically, but perhaps in my sense of self. If my partner has, for example, chastised me for spending too much money and I react with a nasty comment, it's usually because on some level I know that that particular purchase was impulsive and I feel "exposed". So, my nasty comment might help me to avoid feeling guilty or ashamed, but it will hurt someone that I love dearly and we'll spend the evening in opposite ends of the house, avoiding each other, licking our wounds and feeling alone and isolated.
In addition, as much as I do work hard and could argue that I have a right to treat myself, my partner also has a right to expect that I will honour my financial committment to our relationship by not blowing the budget. If I hold tightly to my "rights" and try too hard to protect that image of myself, I risk getting caught in a cycle of being inauthentic, feeling guilty and ashamed, trying to assuage/distract myself from my guilt and shame with yet another impulsive purchase and around and around I go. Not helpful to either one of us (or our dogs who sense the upset and react to it just as a child might).
What would happen if, instead of hurling my nasty comment his way, I had said "You know what, honey, you're right. I bought that book (usually books!) because I'm feeling overwhelmed at work this week and I was trying to distract myself from that." Well, usually, I feel a sense of relief because I've named and honoured that sense of overwhelm and in doing so I begin to feel less overwhelmed. That's a bonus right there! My honesty also allows my partner and I to connect on an emotional level. He may be able to offer reassurance or insight. He may even feel safe enough to look at and acknowledge a similar behaviour (or similarly motivated behaviour) in himself. Win-win!!
So, "I will let go of anger" is not about stuffing our feelings or letting people walk all over us. It's about standing up for ourselves in ways that both honour us and respect the people around us. It's about using that energy to effect a positive outcome instead of a negative one where that is possible. It's about acknowledging that sometimes the situation that angers us isn't likely to change very much and deciding what our best course of action will be in the face of that reality.
Namaste,
Janet
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Just For Today...
Ah, a few minutes to sit down and gather my thoughts. It's been too many days since I've done that!
I've been thinking a lot about the precepts this weekend - perhaps because I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day at work on Friday and I think I "broke" every one of them! I was projecting into the future, I was very angry, I was worried, I was thinking some very unkind thoughts and not feeling particularly grateful. I wasn't applying myself to my spiritual work very well either on Friday afternoon and maybe for several days before that. Maybe if I had sat down sooner to gather my thoughts, they wouldn't have been so all over the place......
Sometimes I think that if Usui Sensei had given us only one precept, Just For Today, we'd still have a pretty good foundation on which to build our spiritual lives and around which to structure even the most mundane tasks that we face each day.
When I reflect on those three little words, Just For Today, I feel empowered, confident - I can do most anything for 24 hours (not even, because I try to spend at least 7 of those sleeping!). I'm also reminded that I can't go back and undo yesterday and, as much as I hope that it does, I really have no guarantee that tomorrow is coming, so this day, the one that is unfolding right under my nose, is all I have.
Does it really matter if one of my superiors was incredibly rude to me? It certainly felt like it at the time and I really wish that I had responded differently than I did but I can learn from the experience and think about a more light and life-giving response for next time, but the experience need not define me and it certainly need not take up any more space in my head than it already has. If it keeps happening, I may need to revisit the wisdom of staying in that situation, but that is a decision for another moment in time, not this one.
At this moment in time, 8:34 pm on Sunday, September 13, 2009, I am sitting at my desk, typing a blog entry. My dogs, Smokey and Shadow, are curled up on the floor beside me. My partner is watching TV downstairs. I can hear a cricket chirping outside. All is well and that is all that matters.
What are your thoughts on "Just For Today"?
Namaste,
Janet
I've been thinking a lot about the precepts this weekend - perhaps because I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day at work on Friday and I think I "broke" every one of them! I was projecting into the future, I was very angry, I was worried, I was thinking some very unkind thoughts and not feeling particularly grateful. I wasn't applying myself to my spiritual work very well either on Friday afternoon and maybe for several days before that. Maybe if I had sat down sooner to gather my thoughts, they wouldn't have been so all over the place......
Sometimes I think that if Usui Sensei had given us only one precept, Just For Today, we'd still have a pretty good foundation on which to build our spiritual lives and around which to structure even the most mundane tasks that we face each day.
When I reflect on those three little words, Just For Today, I feel empowered, confident - I can do most anything for 24 hours (not even, because I try to spend at least 7 of those sleeping!). I'm also reminded that I can't go back and undo yesterday and, as much as I hope that it does, I really have no guarantee that tomorrow is coming, so this day, the one that is unfolding right under my nose, is all I have.
Does it really matter if one of my superiors was incredibly rude to me? It certainly felt like it at the time and I really wish that I had responded differently than I did but I can learn from the experience and think about a more light and life-giving response for next time, but the experience need not define me and it certainly need not take up any more space in my head than it already has. If it keeps happening, I may need to revisit the wisdom of staying in that situation, but that is a decision for another moment in time, not this one.
At this moment in time, 8:34 pm on Sunday, September 13, 2009, I am sitting at my desk, typing a blog entry. My dogs, Smokey and Shadow, are curled up on the floor beside me. My partner is watching TV downstairs. I can hear a cricket chirping outside. All is well and that is all that matters.
What are your thoughts on "Just For Today"?
Namaste,
Janet
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Connection
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better....
This week in the Usui Virtual Retreat our facilitator, Pamela Miles, asked us to think about Reiki as connection, "connection to that which connects us" and again, she has put into words something that I have felt ever since my Reiki 1 class, but couldn't find the words to express. Thank you Pamela :)
I don't know that I had ever felt connected, a part of, one with much of anything, at least not on a visceral level, until I became Reiki. In fact, I often felt the opposite - disconnected, isolated, alone. And it showed - in the way I viewed myself and the world and in the way treated myself and sometimes others.
Of course there are still moments in my day when I let myself feel stressed in response to something that is going on around me, but when I'm able to step back for moment (even if it's just in my head) and place a Reiki hand on my solar plexus or heart, I feel grounded again, safe, at-one-with, and that feeling allows me to proceed/respond in a way that is life-giving, light-giving and love-giving for myself and whomever else is involved.
Could it be that the sense of disconnection and isolation really is the basis for all that is wrong in our lives, in the world?
Could it be that Reiki is the answer?!
Namaste,
Janet
This week in the Usui Virtual Retreat our facilitator, Pamela Miles, asked us to think about Reiki as connection, "connection to that which connects us" and again, she has put into words something that I have felt ever since my Reiki 1 class, but couldn't find the words to express. Thank you Pamela :)
I don't know that I had ever felt connected, a part of, one with much of anything, at least not on a visceral level, until I became Reiki. In fact, I often felt the opposite - disconnected, isolated, alone. And it showed - in the way I viewed myself and the world and in the way treated myself and sometimes others.
Of course there are still moments in my day when I let myself feel stressed in response to something that is going on around me, but when I'm able to step back for moment (even if it's just in my head) and place a Reiki hand on my solar plexus or heart, I feel grounded again, safe, at-one-with, and that feeling allows me to proceed/respond in a way that is life-giving, light-giving and love-giving for myself and whomever else is involved.
Could it be that the sense of disconnection and isolation really is the basis for all that is wrong in our lives, in the world?
Could it be that Reiki is the answer?!
Namaste,
Janet
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